


Constant Falling of the Leaves as Autumn goes

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Fluff, High School, Homophobia, M/M, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Edward isn't the most perceptive person. He simply believes that if he avoids his problems, it will simply go away.It doesn't. Like any other High School boy, homework is the last thing he wants to do.Edward. Our wonderful protagonist ready to save the day (he doesn't). He's really quite the opposite. Edward. Edward is cold, distant and well boring. When he isn't sleeping (which is at least half the day), he's slouched on his bed with all the lights off, reading fanfiction. No one besides James talks to him. Unfortunately for Edward things aren’t as simple as they seem. Especially when it comes to the word “Sarah”.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. The Leaves Fall

**Author's Note:**

> hi so i’m a trans boy myself and i wanted to write this story bard on my experiences of being trans and the way it’s felt to be trans myself. i also added some romance in the mix bc i’m yearning rn and this is the way i’m coping. i hope you enjoy!

I am boring, simple and distant. Not a very interesting person. James. The only person who's ever been fine with that. And now I've lost him. To her. Whom, you may ask? Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, the word I hate most. I never want to hear it again.

✾•✾•✾

"Sarah! Where are you?!" I hear James' voice call. I stay where I am, peering from behind the tree. Hiding from her. James has come to my backyard to find me after football practice.

"Oh Sarah! There you are," James smiles,"the leaves are falling "

I don't want him to say her name again. want him to say mine. I want him to look at ME like that, not that stupid girl. I hate it, I hate it, I hate her.

"Yeah you're right," I mumble. "It's quite beautiful."

James puts his arms around me and whispers into my ear "They're almost as pretty as you."

I shiver. I like the feel of him close to me. But the words, I don't want to be pretty. I don't want to be her.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen," he says as he tucks the hair behind me ear. I try to smile it away but I already feel the tears forming. Do i have to be her? Is that all I am? Can he see through me? Will he realize I'm not her? The world starts to spin. My vision is blurry from to tears. Everything is wrong. I want to get way from her. He doesn't understand; he says such stupid things sometimes. I want him to get me. I want him to whisper into my ear and call me Edward, NOT that stupid girl. That's who I am Right? Just a stupid girl?

"Oh Sarah, did i say something wrong? What did i do?" James is very concerned, looking down at me.

"It's nothing about you," I say. "It's me."

I start running as fast as I can, tear flowing. Stumbling over twigs and almost tripping over a rock. Through the trees, back to my house looking for my room. It's quiet, calm, and safe. Away from Sarah.

I stomp downstairs. I quickly race to the kitchen searching for a certain drawer. Finally finding the scissors I was looking for. I stumble into my bathroom looking rather disheveled

I stare fervently at my reflection. Unceremoniously I start chopping off hair. Tear streaming down my face as I do so. Most of it gone by the time I'm done crying. I slouch down to the floor. Tired. I see less of her now, Long brown strands left as evidence of what was before. I at least try to style it so it's longer at the top and shorter on the sides and back. It's somewhat decent. Suddenly the door slams open.

"SARAH"

James is standing in the doorway with a look mixed with horror and worry.

"What did you do to your hair?" he asked almost concerned. There’s something else with it I can’t and quite tell what it is. He looks me up and down then slowly walks over to wipe away my tears. he sits down and leans over to hug me. I can smell his shampoo.

"She's gone," I state.

"Who's gone?"

"Sarah."

"But isn't that you?"

"No, I’m a boy James."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m about jump when I hear:
> 
> “Be careful. The pond is cold.”
> 
> //TW// t slur, transphobic language, suicidal language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to re-write this bc i forgot to save it 😐

> The Pond is Cold

✾•✾•✾

“What the fuck”

His words ring through my ears. I feel like I’m drowning. Being plunged into water, I can’t breathe. Coldness surrounding me. Everything is so wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. James never swears.

“What! You don’t like it?” I say. “Is it because I’m not the pretty little girl you want me to be? Do you not like the name Edward?”

“It’s because you’re acting weirdo? Edward? Isn’t that a boy’s name?,” James spit out. Then a sudden look of realization comes over him.

“Are you a tranny?”

He’s never spoken to me like this before.

“Why would you say that? I thought you loved me James?” I inquire.

“Because you need to cut this out. Fall break is almost over and I can’t be going to the dance with you if you’re acting like this,” He snorts.

“So that’s what this is about, school? You know what maybe I am a tranny. Maybe this is me. I dont give a fuck what you think.” I state. James and I have **never** talked to each other like this. I can’t believe the person who I thought loved me the most is treating me like this.

“Whatever you will come crawling back to me when you’re done with this shit. I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you’ll never be a real boy like me.”

“You know what? Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out! We’re done! Get out of my house!”

What has happened to sweet James? The only person to ever get me? What happened to the person I loved the most. Where is he? I push at him in front of me even if he’s much stronger than me (all that football has at least done something). I get him out of my bathroom. I slam the door then burst into tears.

Oh, James.

✾•✾•✾ 

My parents don’t react to my sudden haircut. My mom knew for a while something was wrong. It didn’t surprise her when I broke down at dinner, crying to her about how I am in fact a boy. She loves me all the same. My dad on the other hand is increasingly worried. Knowing how my extended family is and where we live, he’s scared for me. I mean if I’m completely honest I’m scared for me too. My older brother offers me his old clothes and to take me shopping. It was fine. I got five t-shirts (most of them band ones), 3 pairs of jeans and some boxers. Nothing extraordinary. 

School was terrible. I couldn’t avoid the site of James. He was everywhere. I kept going back to the time in the bathroom every time he traveled into my gave. His words ringing through my ear. Will everyone else notice? Turns out they kinda did. I got weird looks from the girls I used to talk to in the hallway. The boys avoided standing next to me . All the popularity I got from James disappeared the moment I stop standing next to him. The moment I was becoming myself.

James was my only friend. I’m not very popular the only reason I had a group to sit with was because James is popular. So, I chose to eat alone in the boy’s bathroom (no one is there during lunch anyway so no one will see me). I wall out carefully to make sure I’m the only one in the hallway. I they did I don’t know what would happen.

When it’s time to go home I walk to the pond where I usually go when James has practice and can’t be with me. It’s always so calm here. The leaves rustling and the nice smell of pine. Sometimes I’d even prefer being here than with James. I’m still in shock over what James said; at least here don’t have to think about him.

I stand near the pond. I almost wanna jump in. It’s my favorite place after all. It would get me away from all this madness. I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. maybe I’ll die from hypothermia if i’m lucky. I no ones here. I walk closer. One foot over the edge. I’m about jump when I hear:

“Be careful. The pond is cold.”


	3. The Cold is Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll have you know I wrote this chapter in my pantry via candle light

I fell in. While I was turning to look who’s voice that was my foot slipped. Next thing I know I’m surrounded. Cold, cold, cold. nothing but cold. The voice didn’t lie. I start to accept my fate. If I’m gonna die this way might as well let it happen. At least the cold is starting to get warm. At least this will be over soon.   
  


Suddenly there’s a hand. Then I’m being pulled. Then I’m above the surface. What’s happening? I didn’t want this. I’m being dragged over the bank of the pond. Then someone’s holding me. I’m barely aware of anything. But I can now feel tears streaming down my face. I cant see anything it’s all a blur.   
  


“Uh, stop crying please,” The same voice from earlier says above me. “I don’t know what to do. You just fell into a pond.”

I’m more aware now hearing that voice. I can see better than too. I’m guessing it’s a boy talking to me. From what I can tell he has shorter pitch black hair that’s curly on top. There’s a streak of green in the front. He has piercings on his lips, ears and nose and- _wait_ I think. _Is that a My Chemical Romnace T shirt? I have the same one. What if he’s emo?_ Why _is he being nice and helping me? He’s_ kinda _attractive too._  
  


Wait. A hot possible emo maybe boy is currently holding me while I cry my eyes out because I fell into a pond. What. The. Fuck. I am suddenly very much aware I do not want to be touch right now. I feel like screaming. I try to get up but my body is still in shock so I end up just stumbling.

“Woah, chill for a sec,” the stranger says while trying to stabilize me. They’re very much taller than me.

“What the fuck just happened,” I mutter mostly to myself.

“Uh, you just fell into a pond,” they say while raising an eyebrow.

“Yes thank you I almost forgot,” I huff out while rolling my eyes.

“What were you doing so close anyway,” they inquire. “You weren’t actually thinking of jumping in were you?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” I reply while trying to walk to my backpack I left near a tree.

“Well you’re lucky I was here you could’ve gotten seriously harmed,” they say while following me. “What were you even thinking doing that.”

“Again I don’t think that’s any of your businesses,” I’m starting to get really annoyed. “Who are you anyway? Why are you here?”

“My name is Roman. I’m the new boy at your school I’m starting tomorrow,” He holds out his hand to me. “What’s your name?”

“Edward. My name is Edward.”

“Ok Edward this is the last time I’ll ask you but why were you so close to the pond?”

“The cold was warm.”


End file.
